


Starbuck's Dilemma

by Starface (DustyP)



Category: Battlestar Galactica (1978)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 09:29:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DustyP/pseuds/Starface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starbuck feels as though he has to move on, but he doesn't really want to do this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starbuck's Dilemma

The Officers' Club was almost deserted,  the warriors on duty either sitting in the barracks on standby, or out on patrol.   The others were making the most of their free period by doing whatever suited them, which for the majority, meant a trip across to the Rising Star for the casino and entertainment always available there.

The barman was idly polishing glasses as he waited for the rush that would ensue when the exuberant warriors finally decided to return to the Galactica.

He glanced over at one of the few people in the large room, a young fair-haired man, wearing the insignia of a lieutenant in Blue Squadron.  

 "Hm, wonder what's up with young Starbuck," he  muttered to himself.  It was a rare sight indeed to see the man sitting alone,  usually he was the life and soul of any group, and could always be depended upon to brighten anyone's duty shift..  

He finished polishing the glass and set it in its place, then walked casually across to the table in the corner.    "Can I get you another drink, Lieutenant?" he asked.

 "What?"  Startled blue eyes looked up at him, then the blond head gave a negative shake. "Not at the moment, thanks... "

Corlis nodded and returned to his bar.

Starbuck, idly turned the half empty glass of grog in his hands, watching the swirling liquid and thinking deeply over recent events, and trying to decide what he should do.

His life at the moment was utter felgercarb.  All the more depressing because a few sectares ago it had been wonderful.

He had a job which he loved - not so much the rules and regulations of the Fleet, but to be able to indulge his passion of flying his viper through the emptiness of space.  He never felt more at home than when he was sitting in that cramped cockpit, keeping guard on the ships, strung out across the starscape.

He had good friends among his fellow pilots, the closest being Captain Apollo, Strike Captain and wingmate, and Boomer his fellow lieutenant. Others from his class at the Academy, Jolly and Greenbean, good and trusted friends all.

Then there was Cassiopeia, the woman to whom he'd come very close to committing himself.

Yes, things had been great and he'd been as happy as anyone could be, given their day to day fight for survival.

Yet in just a few sectons, things had changed - and not for the best, as far as he personally was concerned.

They had met up with the Pegasus, supposedly lost at the battle of Molakai, and her crew, under the command of Cain - once a friend of Adama - now seemingly a rival to take over command of the Fleet.  There had been arguments and fights among the pilots, each siding with their own commander. 

Things had come to a head when Apollo and Starbuck had  led a commando raid on a cylon fuel base on Gamoray, to enable them to get vital supplies for the ships getting dangerously low on fuel.  They'd been forced to take Sheba and Bojay with them, supposedly by Cain's orders, but Sheba, even then, had had her own agenda.

Although the raid itself had been successful, Bojay had been injured and it had been Cassiopeia, insisting that they needed a med-tec on the mission, who'd saved the young man's life.  

After transferring all of the injured to the Galactica, Cain had taken the Pegasus off after two Basestars in orbit near the planet, drawing them away from the vulnerable ships in the fleet, and had not returned. This had left the surviving Silver Spar pilots, his daughter, and Cassie, with no choice but to return to the Galactica.   

Now things had quietened down, and the Pegasus crew were gradually coming to terms with their new home.

There were still arguments, but on the whole, Apollo and Sheba kept their two Wings busy enough to keep the internal battles to a minimum.

That was fine as far as it went, except that Apollo and Sheba were spending more and more time together, each seeming to enjoy the other's company, outside of Fleet business until Starbuck felt very uneasy being with them at all.  He started to feel as though he was the stranger, intruding on his friends' personal relationships. 

He, Boomer and Apollo used to spend a lot of their free time together, as they'd done since they were cadets.  Not every off duty period of course. Starbuck was seeing a lot of Cassiopeia before Cain had arrived on the scene; Boomer was dating Dietra one of the newly qualified female pilots, and on the occasions when Adama had Boxey stay overnight with him, Apollo too had dated.  Sometimes they'd all met up together, which were some of the more enjoyable evenings Starbuck could remember.

Starbuck sighed, running a hand through his already disheveled hair, not really wanting to think too hard about those happier times.

He had been quite devastated when it became apparent that Cain and Cassie had a history and looked as though they intended to continue their relationship now.   He had, as usual, hidden his true feelings, but privately was very hurt by the way Cassiopeia had just declared she was going with Cain - her former lover - seeming to forget what they'd meant to each other just a short time ago. 

His happy-go-lucky reputation as a ladies man had helped him fool everyone into thinking he didn't mind and would just go on to find new company. He wouldn't have had any problems in finding partners, only he hadn't gone looking for any.

Even Apollo and Boomer, usually so sensitive to their younger friend's moods, hadn't noticed anything amiss, and this was one of the reasons Starbuck was sitting by himself, thinking black thoughts on his future - if he had one.  

Boomer was with Dietra every spare centon; the two men hadn't been out to the Rising Star together for sectons now, and the only time Starbuck had a chance to talk personal matters to his friend was in their bunks after light's out. Even then, lying comfortably on their backs, whispering quietly so as not to disturb their fellow pilots, Boomer could only talk about his lover and confided that he was thinking about getting sealed.  Starbuck was genuinely happy for him, and had said so, but it just made him feel more lonely, despite his solo trips to the luxury pleasure ship.

The evenings he'd spent in Apollo's quarters, playing with Boxey had tapered off too. On the last three occasions Starbuck had called round for some company, Sheba had been there, so he'd made some excuse and left, not even waiting to tell Boxey a story before the boy went to sleep.

He felt so miserable he would've put in for a transfer to another ship, except for the unfortunate fact that the Galactica was the only battlestar left.  Even if the Pegasus had survived, she was a long way away from their position, and even depressed as he was, Starbuck wouldn't want to serve under Cain. He couldn't quite make the jump to resign his commission, which would mean not being able to fly his viper - that being about the only pleasant thing in his life right now. 

_Why does everything always end up like this, with me on my own?_ he thought despondently.  _What in Hades do I do wrong?_

He lifted the glass and took another sip of the almost warm liquid and grimaced at the taste. It was long past time the OC got some decent ale, maybe he should try and remedy that, he always liked a challenge. He sighed again, slumping further into the uncomfortable chair, not even the thought of outwitting the black market suppliers, could distract him from his dark thoughts.

 A sudden commotion at the bar caught his attention and he glanced up to see a group of four pilots from Blue Squadron arguing over who had won the most cubits at the casino on the Rising Star.

One of them, a tall lanky young man with almost white blond hair, caught sight of the lone customer in the corner.

"Hey Starbuck, what ya doin' here?"  He started to walk across the floor, stumbling a little as the ambrosa he'd imbibed made itself felt.  He made it to the table and planted his hands in the middle and looked blearily at his friend.  "Thought this was your night at Adama's?"

Starbuck looked up and managed a slight grin. "I just didn't feel like going tonight," he said shortly, not wanting to encourage a drunken conversation with the taller man.

"Ah," Greenbean tried to lift a finger to tap his nose, but fell forward almost on top of the seated man.  "Lookin' for better...com...comp'ny..."

Starbuck stood up, grabbed the reeling man under the arms and heaved him back onto his unsteady feet.

"Something like that," he agreed, then aimed his burden at the bar where the other three were still arguing amiably over their night out.  "Hey guys, catch..."

When he was sure that the other warriors' interest in him had faded; the timely arrival of two female pilots proving a more than helpful distraction, he again sat down.  

Greenbean's comment had raised another bitter thought.  

He'd always enjoyed the once-a-secton evening meals with Adama and his family, but recently they hadn't been much fun, as he'd usually ended up sparring with Athena, while Apollo and Adama had made conversation with Sheba.

In his heart, Starbuck knew they were just trying to make her feel comfortable, to make up for her father leaving her behind.  After all, it couldn't have been pleasant for her to get dumped, no matter what the reason. He could actually feel sorry for the arrogant young woman in that respect. Starbuck was all too familiar with that sensation, although he couldn't actually recall being left behind, he'd been too young to even remember what either of his parents looked like, but that didn't lessen the hurt deep inside of him.

On the first occasion he'd arrived for dinner without Cassie, Adama had enquired about her, but when Starbuck shrugged and said they weren't a couple any more, the family had let the matter drop. Adama had looked searchingly at him, and the young lieutenant hoped the older man wouldn't ask anything more; he couldn't handle any further questions right now.

In fact he should've been at the family meal right now, but as he couldn't face another evening of feeling like an outsider, he'd sent his apologies via Boomer. Starbuck knew the commander would want to know what was wrong, but he didn't want to lie to the man who'd treated him as another son since his teens and couldn't really tell him the truth. 

He'd always been on his own, even when surrounded by the other kids and teachers in the orphanage. He'd felt like that until he'd started at the Academy and met Boomer and Apollo and been dragged home to meet the Adama clan.   Apollo's noisy younger siblings had taken to him right away; young Zak had followed the two older boys around wherever he could and Athena had flirted with the handsome blond cadet with all the brazenness of a young girl not quite mature enough to understand adult relationships. 

Adama and Ila had treated him as they would their own, which included praise and reprimands in equal measure until Starbuck, without him at first being aware, had started to feel as though he was a part of a large family, though he couldn't actually remember being part of one before.

Another crash from the direction of the bar brought the lieutenant's head up.  Greenbean had finally succumbed to gravity and was sitting on the floor, propped up against the bar, an empty glass in one hand, a broken bottle on the floor beside him.

Starbuck decided he couldn't stay here much longer, the noise level was rising as more officers started to come into the Club, and sooner or later someone he knew would sit down at his table and start up a conversation. 

He wasn't in the mood for any social discourse, so decided to leave, find another quiet spot to sort out his conflicting emotions.

He stood up, adjusting his laser pistol and belt more comfortably round his narrow waist then dipped a hand into his money belt and deposited a couple of cubits on the table in payment of his drinks. Waving a hand to attract the barman's attention, he indicated the cubits, then walked slowly to the door, managing to escape before being spotted by his drunken colleagues.

* * * *  
Adama looked round his comfortable room and frowned slightly.  The meal was finished; his grandson Boxey put to bed, and the socialising part of the evening was well under way.  Yet among the chatting, laughing group, there was one person short of the usual number.  The familiar golden head of Starbuck was conspicuous by its absence.

He  caught Boomer's eye and the dark-featured man rose quickly and came to him.   "Did Starbuck say why he couldn't attend tonight's meal?" he asked softly.

"No sir," replied Boomer, his eyes sliding sideways to where Dietra was smiling at him. He started as Adama coughed.  "Er, sorry sir.  No, he just said to give you his apologies."

"Did he seem in good health?" 

"Yes sir... except..."  Boomer paused, a frown crossing his good-looking face.  "Come to think of it, he did look tired."  He smiled slightly, "Not his usual bouncy self," he explained.

"Was he just off patrol?"

"No sir, he had a free period today."

"Oh. Thank you, Boomer."  He smiled and patted the shorter man on the shoulder.  "You go back to your lovely lady."

Sipping at his glass of ambrosa, Adama frowned.  Something was worrying Starbuck, he knew it.  At the last family meal, he'd sensed that Starbuck was hiding something.  Adama had known the young lieutenant for a long time, ever since Apollo had brought his new friend home on furlons from the Academy; he'd grown very fond of the boy, and didn't like to see him unhappy.  Knowing him so well, he could see through the bright facade to the wounded spirit beneath, but he also knew, that getting Starbuck to talk about it if he didn't want to do so, would just push him further into his protective shell. 

He glanced at his son, talking animatedly with Sheba and wondered if that normally intelligent young man had noticed his best friend's despair.  He would have to have a quiet word.

When his guests were starting to leave, Adama said. "Apollo, I'd like a moment of your time."

Apollo hesitated just a micron as he was handing Sheba her wrap, he had intended walking her to her quarters and maybe stopping for a nightcap in the OC. "Of course, Father."

"Alone, please son."  Adama smiled at Sheba, who looked as though she was going to sit down again to wait.   

Cain's daughter didn't look too pleased, but there wasn't  much she could do in the face of the older man's smiling request.

"I'll see you soon, Apollo. Goodnight Commander."

"Goodnight."

After the door had closed behind her, Apollo lifted an eyebrow.  "Anything wrong, father?"

"I'm not sure.  I hope not."

Apollo's black brows drew together in a frown.  "What do you mean?"

Adama stared at the bowl of his pipe, then asked slowly.  "Have you seen anything of Starbuck recently?"

"Well, yes of course.  We've just come back from a long range patrol..." he began.

"Yes, son, I know you fly with him.  I meant have you seen him outside of Fleet business.  Been out for a drink, that sort of thing?"

Apollo started to nod, then frowned.  "Come to think of it... No, I haven't seen him socially for a couple of sectons."  He paused.  "He did drop in to read Boxey a story..."

Adama frowned.  "Oh?  Boxey was just saying tonight that Starbuck hadn't told him any stories for ages."

Apollo flushed slightly.  "Yes that's correct, father.  Starbuck didn't stay."

"Oh?"  Adama raised an enquiring eyebrow.

"I thought he was at first, but he seemed nervous - though why he should be nervous about Sheba I can't imagine."

"Ah.  Sheba was visiting at the same time?"

 "Well, yes, she was.   But Starbuck didn't have to leave, we were just having a drink while we talked over the pilot schedules."

 Adama looked at his son.  Was he really that innocent, or that dense?

"Starbuck, being a gentleman, probably thought he was intruding."  He suggested softly.

"He could never intrude, father.  He's my best friend." Apollo protested.

 "You know that, maybe Starbuck needs to be reminded," the older man stated.

 "Oh come on, father.  We've known each other for yahrens and yahrens... he doesn't need to be reminded..."    Adama's brown eyes met his son's green ones and Apollo paused.  "Does he?" he asked uncertainly.

The older man's shoulders rose in a shrug.  "You know him as well, and a lot better, than I do.  You know what he's like.  If he gets it into his head that he's intruding into your personal life;  that you - we - don't need him any more - what will he do?"

Apollo's inner turmoil was echoed in his eyes.  Their clear green depths clouded with worry.  "He'll pack up and leave - emotionally that is."  His voice was certain.  He'd seen it happen before, to other people in the past who'd made the mistake of taking everything Starbuck had to offer, including love and friendship - and given nothing in return.

Adama nodded. "Yes, that's my thought too."

"Why?" Apollo asked suddenly.  "We haven't had an argument, he hasn't even been in trouble for sectons - why would he think he's intruding, or that we don't need him?" 

"You'll have to answer that one, Apollo.  But I think it's a fair observation, from my limited knowledge of what's been happening."

He paused, sitting back in his chair. "First there was that business with Cassie and Cain. What did Starbuck have to say about that?"

Apollo shifted uncomfortably.  "I... I... haven't really spoken to him about that.  He just gave everyone the impression that it was okay with him."

"Everyone?" Adama lifted an eyebrow higher then before..

Apollo's flush deepened.  "Yes, I know.  I should've dipped a little deeper into that."  He looked up defiantly.  "Surely that can't be what's wrong.  Starbuck is made of sterner stuff than to let a broken romance depress him for long."

"I agree, not on it's own.  But think again my son.  There have been many changes in our lives lately." He paused, then asked gently. "When was the last time you, Boomer and Starbuck went out for one of your _evenings?_ "

"Well," Apollo was mortified that he had to actually think about that question. "Boomer, as you know - he and Dietra are getting very serious. I've been busy with all the reports for the pilot assessments and getting Sheba settled into the command structure..." He paused and glanced at his parent.  "Not for sectons," he confessed slowly.

Adama nodded.  "Has he asked you to go to the Rising Star recently?"

Apollo nodded, his eyes dropping beneath Adam's calm gaze.  "Yes - and you're right in what you're thinking.  I forgot." He paused, then always a stickler for reporting accurately, added. "No, that's not strictly true.  I just didn't have time to meet him."

"That's not like you."

"No it isn't." Apollo was annoyed with himself, "Sheba called in with some reports to sign - there's still a lot of paperwork with forming the new squadron ... by the time she'd left, it was far too late to get a shuttle across."

 "What did Starbuck say when you explained?"

Apollo cringed.  "I didn't explain..." he said softly.  "Not right away. I didn't comm the BOQ, didn't think he'd be back. I didn't get another chance until we went out on patrol two days later.  He did make a joke about me missing the shuttle and I told him what had happened..."

Apollo paused.  "That sounds very bad, doesn't it father?"  He looked up, "but it's not as though he's never been late, or missed a ..." He trailed off, he'd almost said _date._

Adama sighed.  "This is all speculation, Apollo, I don't really know  what's wrong. Maybe you can have a talk with him.  He might be ready to tell you what's bothering him.  Because something is."

Apollo nodded.  Glancing at the timepiece on his father's wall, he made up his mind.  "No time like the present.  If you'll excuse me father, I think I'll check on our missing warrior."

Adama smiled. "My son, you are excused." He put a hand on Apollo's shoulder.  "Good luck."

Apollo made his way first to Starbuck's quarters.  As he'd half expected there was no slim figure lying in the bottom bunk.   A couple of pilots were wearily playing a game of Pyramid.

 "You seen Starbuck tonight?" he asked casually.

"No Captain.  We've been here, ourselves, for centares."

The Strike Captain ignored the tone, knowing himself how boredom from sitting around waiting for something to happen could affect a man's mood.  He just hoped it would keep on being boring, all the warriors and civilians could do with some Cylon-free time.

"When he comes back, tell him I need to see him.."

"Will do, Captain," was the bored reply.

Apollo's next stop was the Officers' Club.   He could hear the noise from halfway down the corridor. Sure enough, when he pushed his way through the half-open door, the place was crowded.  A group of his pilots were clustered round the bar, singing songs he hoped his son wouldn't understand for quite a few yahrens.

He forced his way through to the bar, searching for the familiar blond head, but didn't see the person he was looking for.

Pushing his way in between Giles and Jolly, he beckoned the barman towards him.

Corlis finished pouring the drink he'd started, then came towards the dark-haired captain.

"Have you seen Starbuck tonight?" Apollo had to almost shout against the noise.

Corlis nodded and bellowed back.  "He was in here earlier."  Pausing to push another bottle down the bar for one of his helpers, he added.  "He was alone, sitting at the corner table."

 "Alone?" Apollo was surprised.

"Yeah.  Looked a bit tired - not as talkative as usual," the man added.

"Right, thanks." Apollo had a sinking feeling in his stomach.  That didn't sound too encouraging. "Do you know where he went?" he yelled again.

Corlis shook his head.  "Just left cubits on the table, then went out."  He paused.  "It was getting a bit rowdy by then."

"Thanks."  Apollo nodded and made his way out of the crowded club.

* * * *

Starbuck had found a quiet spot, one of his favourite places on the giant ship.  Here, among the sleek shapes of the vipers he could relax; here he was at home, knowing exactly what his purpose was and possessing the skill to do it well.

The Launch Bay was almost deserted, only a few crew personnel on duty in case of an emergency.  

He was sitting on an arms locker, leaning back against the wall, long legs stretched out and his ankles crossed.   To anyone watching, he was the epitome of lazy relaxed grace, as he exhaled a pungent cloud of smoke from the fumarello between his lips.

His mind, however, was far from the calm he radiated on the outside.  He still had no solution to his problems, knew that really there could never be one.  There were too many outside influences beyond his control.

He couldn't make his friends see more of him; couldn't force Cassie to love him more than Cain; couldn't stop Sheba being attracted to Apollo, or  vice versa - no, he couldn't change any of that, so he would have to change himself.  Face up to the fact that all the people he knew and loved were drifting away and he was alone again, and try and make a new life for himself.  

The first thing was to stop being so dependent on his friends.  They obviously had their own lives to live and if that excluded him, so be it.  He couldn't - didn't even want - to do anything about it.  

Starbuck was a proud man,  if he thought at any time that a friendship was going sour, he would gave it a few more chances, then when he was sure there was nothing left worth fighting for, he just withdrew slowly from all contact and started again from scratch, finding new friends and interests.  It had happened before, but not for many yahrens, and yes, it had been painful at the time, but he had survived worse. This time, however, he knew it would be a lot harder. The ties between himself and Apollo and his family were woven deeply into his soul.  It would take all his considerable strength of purpose to ease away from the people he loved. They were more than friends - they had become his family and reason for living.  He wouldn't wait around to see if they remembered he was there - and if they did, to throw him crumbs from their well-stocked larder of loving family support.  He'd partaken of the best of their hospitality, their kindnesses and respect - he wouldn't wait to see that dissipate slowly until they ended up resentful of his mere presence - or even worse, **he** ended up hating **them.** The fact that he loved Apollo on a far deeper level than the close friendship they shared on the surface, was his problem; one that he would always carry within him.

Then there was Cassie.  He knew he'd loved Cassie by the size of the wound in his heart - that was another route he wouldn't tread again. She'd made her choice and it wasn't him.  He could probably be civil and stay friendly with her - but not yet.

Starbuck nodded to himself and continued smoking the fumarello; his mind made up.  He would start afresh tomorrow.

* * * *

After leaving the Officers' Club, Apollo paused to think where he should look next.  He doubted very much whether Cassie would know where Starbuck was - he'd already checked the obvious places - so think Apollo; where would Starbuck go - especially if he wanted to be alone.     

"Of course," Apollo snapped his fingers and headed towards the turbo lift.  One place that Starbuck sometimes used as a bolt-hole was the Launch Bay.  

Arriving at his destination, Apollo looked round the almost deserted deck.  

One of the female crew technicians came towards him.  "Anything I can do for you, Captain?" she asked.

"No, that's okay.  I'm looking for Starbuck..."

She nodded her head towards a dark corner.  "Over there."

Apollo's eyes lit up. "Thanks," he said and moved across the metal plating of the Launch Bay, his boots echoing on the floor of the huge Hanger.

As he came in sight of the slumped figure, he paused, taking the opportunity to examine his best friend more closely.

The hair was always the first thing anyone noticed from a distance.  The lieutenant's hair was long, thick and glossy, falling in a waterfall of gold silk to brush his shoulders.

Apollo sighed, his fingers itching to stroke that mane of living beauty; it wasn't the first time he'd had to curb such feelings, and it was becoming harder to resist every time they flooded his senses.

He pulled himself up short.  _Don't go that route you idiot...he's your best friend._

As he neared the lone figure, Starbuck glanced up and Apollo could've sworn a look of panic flashed through the brilliant blue eyes.  Eyes that always reminded Apollo of the sunlit blue-green of Caprica's southern ocean.

Starbuck glanced away, then sat up, getting to his feet in one smooth, graceful movement.

"Apollo?"

"Starbuck," replied the Captain pleasantly.

Standing, their eyes were level with each other, and Apollo noticed with a pang of regret, that his friend's gambling facade was in place, he couldn't see anything in those handsome features save a puzzled enquiry.

"Is something wrong?" Starbuck asked at last, when Apollo's measuring stare started to make him feel uncomfortable.

"That was going to be my question," said Apollo.

"Huh?"  

"I was going to ask you what was wrong?" Apollo enunciated clearly.

"Nothing," was the too-quick response.

"Really?"  Apollo brushed a speck of dust from the other man's suede clad shoulder.  "Father was wondering why you weren't at dinner tonight.  He thought you might not be well."  _Why the hell did I say that?_ Apollo thought furiously.  _I've made it sound as though I'm just enquiring for my father's  interest - not mine._

From the faint droop to the straight shoulders, he knew Starbuck had also gained that impression. 

"Thank the commander for his concern, but I'm fine.  Just a little out of sorts, maybe the ambrosa..." Starbuck's words trailed off as an uncomfortable lump in his throat was making it difficult to talk, let alone lie convincingly.

"Starbuck, it wasn't only my father who was worried... I was too."  Apollo mentally crossed his fingers at the half truth.  He hadn't been aware he was worried until his father had started to ask questions, and made him realise just how long since he'd actually talked as friends with Starbuck.    It hadn't been intentional; since the Silver Spar squadron had been left on the Galactica, there had been, still was, an enormous amount of work.  Meetings, reports to write, warriors to interview, assessments to be made - but he should've noticed sooner.  He'd sooner cut off his left hand than hurt his friend of many yahrens.

Starbuck lifted one shoulder in a slight shrug.  It was obvious that he didn't quite believe his captain.   "I'm fine," he repeated.  "I'm sorry you were both worried."

 "Look, why don't we go and have a drink somewhere.  It's ages since we had the chance to just hang out."  Apollo asked.

"Well... er... that is..." Starbuck stammered.  This wasn't part of his new plan.  

"Come on.  We'll go back to my quarters,  Boxey is staying with father, so we can have a drink, talk, play cards... like we used to do."  Apollo's green eyes looked pleadingly into the confused blue ones.  "What'd you say?"

Starbuck hesitated.  He very much wanted to go with Apollo, maybe there wouldn't be another chance if things continued to drift and change as they had recently.

"Okay," he nodded. "That sounds good."

"Great." Apollo slapped him on the shoulder and they walked off together, almost the way it used to be, except that Apollo didn't sling a casual arm round his friend's shoulders as he'd usually do.  Much as he wanted to do that, there was still an air of tension surrounding the fair-haired warrior, so he curbed his natural impulse.  
  
They walked in silence to the turbo lift and Starbuck stared at the floor, unusually tongue-tied and it was the usually quiet Captain who chattered on about work, and Boxey - anything but what he wanted to say.

They were both glad when they reached the corridor leading to Apollo's quarters and went inside.

"Drink?" asked Apollo, going across to the cabinet to retrieve the bottle of ambrosa.

"Yeah... thanks," replied Starbuck, looking round the familiar rooms.  He'd spent a lot of happy centares here.

"You gonna sit down?" Apollo's voice close by made Starbuck jump, he'd been so lost in his memories he hadn't heard the other man's approach.

 "Sure..."  Starbuck wandered over to his usual seat and sank back with an inward sigh of relief, glad to put off any more decisions, at least for tonight.

Apollo sat in his usual chair facing his friend and handed him a glass of ambrosa before lifting his own to take a sip.  "What's been happening lately?"  He started casually enough  "You'll have to fill me in on all the latest gossip."

Starbuck glanced over in surprise.  The Captain's eyes were bright and showing an unusual emotion that Starbuck couldn't quite place.  

He shrugged. "Nothing much new. You probably know that Dietra and Boomer are thinking about getting sealed."

Apollo nodded and smiled.  "Yeah, I think that's fairly obvious."

They shared a quick grin and Starbuck relaxed a little further.  "Who would've thought old Boom-Boom would fall so far and so fast..."

"Not so fast I suppose, it must be a few sectares since they started seeing each other."

The fair head nodded.  "Yeah, I suppose."  He sipped his drink in silence for a moment.  "Time seems to be slipping past without us really noticing."

Apollo grimaced.  "I never seem to have enough of it, myself."

Starbuck looked over at him.  "You look tired Apollo.  Trying to do too much, as usual, I'll bet."

"Probably you're right.  I haven't had much time to unwind lately."  He paused, than added with his fingers mentally crossed.  "I've missed you chivvying me to relax..."

Starbuck shrugged.  "Didn't think you wanted me too..."

"Huh, when has that ever stopped you," said Apollo smiling.

Unfortunately, Starbuck didn't smile back, he looked uneasy.  "Sorry if it bugged you," he said quietly.

"No, no... that's not what I meant.  I miss it." Apollo hastened to add.

Starbuck glanced up at him from under long feathery lashes, as though he didn't quite believe him.  "That's not what you used to say," he said with a half grin.

Apollo sighed.  "No.  There are a lot of things that used to be normal, but now they aren't."

"You can say that again," muttered his companion.

 "There are a lot of things that used to be normal, but now they aren't," repeated Apollo with a mischievous grin.

Starbuck stared at him and laughed out loud.  "Apollo... was that a joke?"

"Yes, I think it was."

The dark-haired man's eyes were gleaming a soft emerald in the lamplight, and Starbuck felt drawn into them, felt himself slipping into the old familiar routine...

The door chime sounded and broke the spell.

Both men jumped.  "Frack!" cursed Apollo.  "Who can that be at this centare?"

Starbuck sat back, breathing hard as though he'd been playing a fast game of Triad.

"One way to find out," he teased breathlessly. 

 "Yeah, I suppose. Don't you move from that chair.  I'm not having you run out again," ordered Apollo, tempering the words with a smile.

 "Yes sir," murmured the lieutenant.  He didn't know what was going on, but these past few centons had played havoc with his plans to withdraw from any emotional ties with his captain.  

His feeling of happiness took a sudden nose-dive as Apollo opened the door to reveal a smiling Sheba.   She was still dressed in the flowing gown she'd worn for the dinner party, and had obviously stopped for a drink, or three, somewhere on the way.

"Hi Apollo.  Just thought I'd drop by to see if you were back yet.  We have some unfinished business don't we?"  she giggled suggestively as she stepped forward.

Apollo felt like shutting the door in her face, but his innate good manners wouldn't allow that, so he reluctantly stepped back, giving as little ground as possible.

 "Ah  Sheba... that's a nice thought, but I'm kind of busy right now..." he started.

 "Oh?" Sheba arched an eyebrow, then glancing over his shoulder saw Starbuck sitting on the couch.

 "Starbuck?  How nice to see you."  She turned to Apollo putting a possessive hand on his shoulder.  "I'm sure the lieutenant will excuse us," she suggested coyly.

Starbuck put his half-full glass on the table and stood up.  "Certainly," he said dully.

Apollo glanced at him desperately.  "No, there's no need for you to leave Starbuck.  I'm sure whatever Sheba has to say won't take long."

Starbuck hesitated.  It really sounded as though Apollo wanted him to stay. 

 "Apollo..." cooed Sheba in his ear, but loud enough to make sure that Starbuck would hear her.  "What I have to say really isn't for anyone else's ears - you're  making me blush."

"Sheba," began Apollo, reddening at the implication that there was more between them than just colleagues.

 "That's okay Captain," Starbuck said calmly, though his heart was shriveling inside of him as all his previous doubts were realized.  "We can finish our drink later."

He had to brush past them to get to the door and Apollo caught his arm.  "Starbuck?" 

Blue eyes met his, no longer warm and relaxed, but cool and remote.  

 "Oh let him go Apollo, we don't need him. No doubt, he's got another so-called hot date already lined up." Sheba's tone was hard.  "No wonder Cassie dumped him."

Starbuck's eyes widened in hurt bewilderment, then narrowed to icy fury.  What had he ever done to this woman for her to be so nasty.

 "Of course," he said sweetly, "I always have a hot date, someone warm, willing and passionate - but you wouldn't know anything about that kind of relationship, would you, Ice Maiden?"

He gave the furious woman a brilliant smile, then without haste, stepped through the door.  He avoided looking at Apollo, whose body was rigid with tension as he followed the blond out into the corridor.

"Starbuck, please, she's drunk..."

The lieutenant glanced up to catch his friend's eyes, then away.  The words _It's okay a_ nd _It doesn't matter_ were on his lips, but he couldn't say them, because damn it, it **wasn't** okay and it **did** matter. 

He shrugged,  "Night Apollo..."

Apollo watched him walk away, with that lithe, easy swing of his long legs that made the heat rise straight through Apollo's body to his face, stopping to fire up his loins on the way.

 Almost beside himself with fury, he re-entered his rooms and marched across to Sheba, who'd made herself comfortable on the couch recently vacated by Starbuck.

"Get out," he snapped.

"I beg your pardon?"  Sheba's brown eyes opened wide in shocked surprise.

"You heard me.  I didn't invite you here.  I don't know why you think I did."

 "But, but... your father's dinner party... you and me, were..."

 "Socializing at a dinner party," said Apollo coldly.  "I'm always polite to my father's guests. Unlike you, who were very rude to my guest here."

"Starbuck? Your guest?  Since when did a nameless, no-account gambler become a guest?"

Apollo wanted to hit her, then almost smiled as he said.  "You don't see it, do you?  Not many people as selfish as you, can.  Starbuck is one of nature's true gentlemen."

 Sheba spluttered. "A gentleman? Starbuck?" Her scorn was evident.

 Apollo ignored her. "He can also fly rings round you and your so-called elite squadron, he's ten times the warrior and a better man than anyone I've ever come across.  Most of all, he is my best friend, and I won't have him insulted in my own home."    He indicated the still open doorway.  "Now leave."

Sheba's face was white with shock and sheer rage.  "How dare you talk to me like that? Defending that daggit-in heat." She tried to rise, but flopped back. "You'll be sorry, Apollo. I'll make sure your father hears how you've spoken to me..."

Apollo leaned down and helped her to her unsteady feet. "I'm sure he'll be as interested as I am."

Sheba gasped. "I'll never speak to you again, so don't come crawling back to apologize tomorrow, because I won't accept it."  

"Do the words **Hades** and **Ice** mean anything to you?" Apollo countered, actually enjoying himself.  It felt good to say what he meant without having to examine every word that came out of his mouth in case he upset any member of Silver Spar.  As Adama's eldest child, he had inherited some diplomatic training, but damn, it felt good to throw off the yoke for once.

He closed the door behind the irate woman and leant back against it with a sigh of relief.

His good mood suddenly evaporated when he realized he should've stopped Starbuck from leaving, so that they could continue their interrupted talk He'd been so angry at Sheba's remarks he'd wanted to set her straight, and lost the opportunity. "Frack!" 

He started to open the door, then hesitated.  Where would his friend go now?  He had a feeling that Starbuck would be even more difficult than ever to locate now.  Although he didn't like it, Apollo knew that the practical thing to do would be to wait until the pre-patrol briefing in the  morning - he would be certain to see Starbuck there.

* * * *  
Starbuck walked briskly to the turbo-lift and pressed the button for the Launch Bay.  He felt like getting into his Viper, hitting the turbos and leave this miserable existence behind him   That damn woman.  Why did she have to spoil what could be his last evening alone with his friend.  It wasn't fair.   

_Life is never fair, you fool,_ he thought to himself.  _Why would you think otherwise after all the felgercarb you've witnessed?_

He was more upset about his spoiled evening than Sheba's cutting remarks about being dumped by Cassie.  He gave a mirthless smile; little did she, or anyone else know, that it was the other way round.  He and Cassie had had a long talk, in which she'd apologized for hurting him, explaining that Cain had been her lover long before the Destruction and their own meeting on the old freighter. 

 She'd also said that she did still love Starbuck, would always love him, and if he could forgive her, she would like to resume their relationship.

He'd looked steadily at her, then asked if she would really have gone with Cain if she'd had the chance.  Her momentary hesitation had been enough for Starbuck.

"Cassie. I think I loved you, more than any other woman I've ever met, and I might have one day sealed with you, if you'd been willing."  He shook his head, his hair flopping over one eye in that appealing way that made Cassie and most other women, want to smooth it back.  "I'm tired of being second best.  I think I would begin to resent the fact that you would choose Cain over me.  So, no, I don't think it would work out now."

Cassia's eyes had filled with tears, but she'd nodded, kissed him softly on the cheek and smoothed that wayward lock of hair away from his eyes, before they'd parted company.

_At least that's one decision I made for myself,_ thought Starbuck.  _Even though it doesn't exactly make me happier._  
  
He became aware that the lift was slowing to a stop, and as if she'd been conjured out of his thoughts, Cassie started to enter.

She stopped short when she saw the lift's only other occupant, then stepped forward, nodding a greeting.

"Starbuck, how are you?"

"Fine, Cassie - you?"

They might have been ultra polite strangers instead of the passionate-loving couple they had been.

Cassie shrugged her elegant shoulders.  She was wearing a flowing gown in a blue that matched her eyes, and looked beautiful.   "Okay."

There was a silence, then she asked.  "You going to the Rising Star, or coming back?"

"Neither... got early shift..."

"Ah!" 

"You?" asked Starbuck, just making conversation until she reached her floor.

"Yes, had a date" She shrugged.  "Didn't work out."

"Sorry about that."  Starbuck sounded sincere and Cassie looked at him.

 "He wanted more than I was prepared to give."  She paused. "Guess you spoiled me for most other men."

Starbuck shifted uncomfortably and Cassiopeia smiled.

"Don't worry.  I know it's over between us." She paused then said diffidently. "Maybe we can still be civil though, talk now and then."

Starbuck looked straight into her eyes, they were clear and candid.  He nodded slowly.  "I'd like that."  

Cassie smiled.  "Thanks."

The lift stopped and she started to exit, then leaned forward and patted his arm.  "Any time you want to talk to someone, you know where I live."

Starbuck nodded, and then she was gone.

Starbuck stared at the metal door. Yes, he would've liked someone to talk too...with all his friends so busy and not having Cassie around, he'd found it difficult not to brood.

It would've been nice, but it was too late now.  His decision was made. 

* * * *  
Apollo spent a restless night, troubled thoughts kept his mind over active for sleep.  Try as he might he couldn't get the idea out of his mind that he was losing his friend, and it scared him.  He realised now that he'd been guilty of taking Starbuck for granted; his blond friend had always been there; on his wing on patrol and in battle; at his shoulder in every other aspect of his life on and off the Galactica.  Even when they weren't in each other's company, he knew he had only to touch a comm button, or yell across a room, and the easygoing lieutenant would be there, one dark blond eyebrow raised in question, blue eyes sparkling with the sheer joy of living. 

Why hadn't he noticed that those occasions had been getting as rare as silence at a kid's party?  Why had it taken his father to notice what he should've seen? Starbuck was **his** best friend, not Adama's.  

In his own defence, he had been kept extremely busy with the new influx of pilots. Being Strike Captain, he had schedules to work out to everyone's satisfaction; balancing individuals to get the right mix, trying to get them accommodated and amalgamated into the Galactica's flying schedule was necessarily time consuming and he had to spend time with Boxey; he wanted to raise the boy with love and care. Sheba, too, had demanded more of his time, and that in hindsight, had been a mistake.  She'd obviously read more into his friendly concern than he'd intended.  He'd been zealous in his job, zealous in making sure he had time to spend with Boxey - in fact everything except give time to his friend.  He should've realised sooner that the person who'd always supported him, wasn't there any more.  

Apollo could barely wait for the morning Briefing to see Starbuck.  It gave him momentary pause when the lieutenant wasn't there when he arrived, but as the other warriors started to collect, he gave a sigh of relief when he spotted the familiar figure, complete with unlit fumarello in one hand, lounging with his back to the wall.

He tried to catch his eye, but Starbuck seemed to find an intriguing spot on the bulkhead just behind his leader's head, and stared at it for the whole time the meeting lasted.

"Lieutenant Starbuck, a centon, please."  Apollo said as he dismissed the rest of the group.

Starbuck tensed, then slumped back against the wall as the Duty Office emptied of everyone except himself and Apollo.   

Apollo walked towards him and slid the door closed.

"I want to talk to you about last night," the Captain began. 

The lieutenant shifted uncomfortably.  He too, had spent a restless night, wandering the metal corridors of the ship, until exhaustion had finally driven him to his bunk.  He still hadn't been able to relax enough to sleep properly, but had managed to doze.  His eyes felt tied and gritty and he really wasn't up to a prolonged discussion on his shortcomings from his leader.

Apollo's next words surprised him though.

"I want to apologise for Sheba, she was way out of line."  

Starbuck managed to shrug.  "As you said, she was drunk."

"She still insulted my guest, and I told her so."

Startled blue eyes met calm green ones.  "You what?"

Apollo gave a faint reminiscent grin.  "Yes, I'm afraid I lost my temper and told her to get lost.  That she couldn't insult MY guest in MY home."

Starbuck looked stunned.  "But...you...you've always been so careful not to upset her, or any of the Pegasus crew."

"Yeah, well," Apollo touched his elbow.  "I got tired of being diplomatic. She really pissed me off."

Starbuck grinned, he couldn't help it.  The mental picture of Apollo yelling at Sheba was just so enjoyable.  He and the other pilots had taken the rough edge of the Captain's tongue on more than one occasion,  so he knew how cutting Apollo could be.

 "Oh Lords of Kobol, I would've paid cubits to see that," he said softly.

 "Well, if you'd waited like I told you, you would've seen it for free," Apollo's tone held an exasperated edge.

Starbuck's grin faded.  "Couldn't," he said simply. "I've never hit a woman before, but came pretty close last night."  That wasn't the only reason, but the others would reveal his insecurity and he couldn't allow his vulnerability to show.  He didn't want Apollo's pity, he'd wanted his love, had settled for friendship, but now it was too late for either.

"Sheba isn't a woman," snorted Apollo. "She's a spoiled child who throws a tantrum when she can't have what she wants."

The lieutenant studied him for a micron.  "She wants you," was the blunt statement.

Apollo slumped down on the edge of his desk. "Yeah, I know," he sighed.  "It's difficult at times trying to balance personal relationships with working ones."

Starbuck shifted, then stilled, trying to relax.  He wished he wasn't so tired.  Maybe he was missing something here... "Must be difficult," he said, rather lamely.

"It is."  Apollo stared down at his hands.  "I would ....."

The intercom sounded its strident buzz and both warriors tensed, their instinct telling them it didn't herald good news.

"Captain Apollo to the Bridge, Blue Squadron stand by..."

"Frack!"

Apollo leapt off the desk, Starbuck just beating him out of the door as they ran for their individual duty stations.

Apollo arrived on the Bridge slightly out of breath to find his father and Colonel Tigh bent over Omega's console, as that officer showed them the blip on the screen that had caused the alert.

"Basestar?" queried Tigh.

Omega shook his dark head.  "Don't think so, sir.  It's big, but not that big, and the configuration doesn't match any known Basestar design we know of."

The four officers watched the screen in silence for a few microns.  "It's ahead and approaching from our starboard side.  It if doesn't change course, it will have passed in front of the Fleet a good four centons before we even reach it's present coordinates." Omega paused, "It's not making any attempt to change course, or hide." The Bridge Officer sounded as puzzled as the others.  

"Life-forms?" queried Tigh.

Omega shook his head. "Don't appear to be any, can't really say for sure at this distance."

Adama turned to his son. "Captain Apollo, take out a recon patrol and see if you can discover what this..." he waved at the screen, "is..."

"Yes sir."  Apollo turned, and was on his way almost before the commander had finished his sentence.

Reaching the Launch Bay he discovered Boomer and Starbuck sitting in their Vipers ready to go wherever he led them. Grabbing his helmet the Captain was soon sealed into his own cockpit and awaited the order to launch.

Rigel's voice was heard counting down the microns and then, one after the other, the three ships catapulted into space.

Checking the coordinates Apollo switched to inter-ship communication and told his wingmen their task.

 "We'll have to avoid contact until we know what it is; until then, our orders are just to observe and report back. Okay?"

"Yes Captain," Boomer's calm voice sounded from the ship on his left.

 "Starbuck?"

 "Yes, Captain.  Understood."

Apollo frowned.  No smart-ass remarks; no grumbling about 'orders' - maybe his blond friend wasn't well.

"You okay Starbuck?" he couldn't help asking.

"Yes," was the quiet reply..

 "Okay then... stay alert,  both of you." He knew the warning was unnecessary, but knew he'd be expected to say it..

There was a sound suspiciously like a faint snort of derision from Starbuck, echoed almost simultaneously by a louder, ruder noise from Boomer.

Apollo grinned.  It seemed all was well with both his friends, even though Starbuck's protest had sounded half-hearted.

They moved to the coordinates which would allow them to intersect with the mysterious blip in about two centares.   Which didn't leave them much time to investigate and still have enough fuel to return to base.  
  
Two centares later, the Vipers still hadn't actually seen the mystery ship, although it still showed on their scanners.   Frowning, Apollo checked again with the Galactica, but nothing had changed from their viewpoint.

"We're about as far as we can go with the fuel available," Apollo reported.

"Don't run out of fuel, Captain," Tigh's voice said calmly.  "It would just mean wasting more on a search and rescue." 

 "Gee thanks," snorted Starbuck.  

"He's joking, Starbuck," said Boomer.

 "You think so?" returned Starbuck.  "He doesn't sound happy enough to be joking. Maybe he's sick, or something."

 "Since when did our esteemed Colonel ever sound happy?" Apollo joined in the banter, smiling at Starbuck's last words, recalling he'd had similar thoughts about his blond friend a couple of centares ago.

Despite their serious mission, and his nighttime decision, Starbuck had started to enjoy himself.  It was like old times with Apollo,  Boomer and himself, passing the long intervals between action with jokes and the knowledge of each other which came from long friendship. He gave an inward sigh. It might be even harder than he thought to drop out of their lives.   Maybe he should just stop thinking and enjoy the closeness while it lasted.

Another ten long centons passed, then:  "Apollo. You see that?"

 "Yes, Starbuck." The image on the scanner was suddenly closer and the three vipers changed course to intercept it.

 "Wonder what it is?" Boomer said.

"Soon find out Boom-Boom."

 "Okay, stay close, and no talking," ordered Apollo.  

Boomer grinned as he saw Starbuck raise his hand in mock salute then pantomime sealing his lips shut. It was good to see the blond exhibiting some of the more carefree actions which, now he came to think of it,  had been sadly missing these past sectares.  

Soon, the three warriors were able to see the cause of the blip.   It was a ship, but clearly it was no danger to them, or the fleet.  A huge gash in the side nearest them attested to the fact that there could be little hope for survivors in that area at least.

It was nowhere near the size of a basestar, or the Galactica, but was very big, dwarfing the three vipers as they investigated the sad wreck.  It  looked to the three warriors like a pleasure liner, not unlike the Rising Star.  The name on the bow mirrored that impression:  Star Searcher.

The hulk was drifting, at the mercy of whatever gravitational forces it encountered on it's lonely path through the stars.

 "Poor devils," Starbuck's low voice sounded subdued.

Apollo could only agree with him.  He was busy searching the data which flooded across his screen.  He was surprised to find that there was an atmosphere reading in parts of the ship, but he could find no sign of life - human or otherwise.

 "What d'you want us to do, Apollo?" Boomer asked.

The Captain hesitated as he considered the options. It went against his nature to just abandon this mystery ship without first trying to find out what had happened.  But it would be dangerous for them to try and land on the damaged hull, even though it was big enough to accommodate the vipers -  had been large enough, but the damage was extensive.

"I think I could get in that gash," Starbuck's voice came clearly through their headsets. "It looks like it might have been a shuttle bay."

"No." Apollo's reply was automatic.  He didn't want to risk his best friend on what might be a fools errand.  "That ship isn't stable.  What if it rolls and you get caught?"

 "Captain, I'm insulted." Starbuck's mock indignation was clearly heard by both his friends.  "If it's possible, I can do it."  It wasn't a vain boast either, Apollo knew.  Excellent pilots though he and Boomer were, Starbuck could fly them both into the ground without half trying.

"True," came support from Boomer, "but it will be dangerous."

"Hey, can it, both of you." Apollo said heatedly. "I haven't given you permission to try such a foolhardy...."

"Aw, come on Captain. You know the commander will want every bit of data we can supply."

That also was true.  It was at these times that Apollo hated being in command.  He wanted to do the job himself, as leader it was his job to lead.  He also knew that, as leader, he had to pick the best man for the job in hand - and in this case - it was Starbuck.

He decided to compromise. "Let's do a more thorough scan first - maybe there might be someone on board, maybe in a shielded area." He was flicking switches as he spoke. "There is an atmosphere in there somewhere... oxygen level is low, but breathable."

He waited a moment as the board beeped again, giving some more information. "Let's try a radio contact - narrow beam only."

"Attention. Star Searcher. Are you receiving my transmission?" He didn't identify himself, not knowing who, or what, might be listening.  There was no reply, save a burst of static.  Apollo turned the fine tuner knob a little, and tried again with the same message.

Still no reply.  

Starbuck signaled.  "I'll go and check the other side - there might be another landing bay similar to this one."   

The wrecked liner was huge and from their approach position, they hadn't, as yet, seen if the other side was as damaged as this one.

The Captain sighed.  "Okay Lieutenant.  I'll keep trying the radio.  Boomer watch him, just in case..."   

"Yoh..." was the reply and the two vipers moved slowly away from Apollo.  

Boomer stayed at the bow end of the ship so that he could keep an eye on both the other vipers, whilst Starbuck disappeared from Apollo's sight round the curved side of the ship.   

 "You owe me a fumarello," came his jubilant voice.  

 "What've you got?" Apollo asked.

 "A nice landing bay - a bit bent, but better than the other side," came Starbuck's voice.

 "Hold position.  I'm coming over." 

 "You don't trust me," sighed Starbuck mournfully.

 "Not a bit." replied Apollo cheerfully.  He knew his friend too well.  When the blond got an idea into his head, it was very, very, difficult to remove. 

 Apollo hit the thrusters gently and was soon surveying Starbuck's 'nice landing bay'.

 "Hm. I think when we get back to the Galactica, we'll have to have your eyes tested, Lieutenant.  That... that... hole - isn't much better than the first one."  Apollo said acidly.

"It's got an even surface," protested the lieutenant. "Just..." he added honestly.

 "Only just!"  Boomer's tone was dry.

"Look, we're wasting time," said Starbuck,  "and fuel. If there's gravity and atmosphere in there, I'll just see if it's possible to land. If not, I won't attempt it.  I'm not a fool, or trying to commit suicide just for data that might not be of use to anyone."

 "Okay."  Apollo sighed, giving in to the inevitable.  

There might even be a survivor or two, or at least some information that would prove useful to the colonists on their journey.  Just because the radio was silent didn't mean there wasn't anyone alive.

"But I mean it Lieutenant.  I want your word that you'll abort your attempt if the landing bay is dangerously unstable."

"I promise, Captain."  Starbuck replied immediately, and Apollo had to be content with that.  Once given, Starbuck would never break his word.

Hearts in their mouths, Apollo and Boomer watched their friend ease slowly towards what had been a shuttle landing bay.   If the inside was airtight and worked much like their own landing bay; if Starbuck didn't pile into the side of the ship before he got there; if there was room amongst the debris of the wrecked interior for him to land - IF...IF...IF...

Apollo was ready to yell with sheer stress as the tension rose inside him as he watched Starbuck edge closer and closer, then with a sudden short flare of the turbos, he was inside the cavity and touched down on the uneven floor of the bay.

Apollo let out a sigh of relief and heard Boomer's whoosh of exhaled air, and knew they'd both been holding their breath.

He grinned across at his dark-featured friend in triumph. 

"He did it.  He actually did it."  Boomer's tone was faintly incredulous.

"Boomer, I'm hurt, was there any doubt?" Starbuck's laughing voice came over the comm line.  He was sweating, that had been a tricky few centons as he'd tried to match his speed with the ship's drift, compensate for the slight roll and not overshoot, or hit the side of the bay.   But he was down and the readings showed that the integrity of this landing bay was intact.

"What're your readings?" Apollo asked calmly, wiping a bead of sweat off his own lip. That was worse than doing it himself.

"There's atmosphere and gravity in here at least," his friend reported.  "I'm going to open my canopy."

He did so, ready to shut it again if the readings suddenly changed, but everything remained the same.  There was definitely breathable air in here, and as he hadn't floated out of his seat when he'd released his harness, the gravity readings were also true.

He  climbed down from the cockpit and took off his helmet, replacing it with the compact headset they used for communication outside the Vipers.  "You still read me, Captain?"

"Yes.   Is there room for another Viper in there?"

"Not really," said Starbuck, reluctant to admit that there was barely enough space amongst the debris for his own craft.   "There's wreckage all over the place."

"Okay.  You'll have to investigate."

"Okay."

"Starbuck," Apollo's tone was serious.  "Don't do anything rash.  We can't get to you in a hurry.  If you can, find the Bridge  - and keep talking."

"Don't worry so much, Apollo, you'll be old before your time."

"Yeah, well, I'd like us all to get a lot older."

"Me too."

Over the link Apollo and Boomer heard the faint metallic sound of Starbuck's boots on the deck.

"Opening the inner door," Starbuck reported.  "Going through...." There was a smile in his voice and Apollo wished he was within reach so he could smack his friend over the head. 

He heard Boomer give a muffled snort and tried to relax. He knew Starbuck was deliberately trying to lower the tension, but he was too worried.   The three of them had been in many a tight corner over the yahrens, and had always escaped relatively unscathed, but this was different - he felt different.  

While he kept track of Starbuck's progress, one section of his mind was trying to analyze why he should feel such anxiety, more than he normally would.  He hadn't yet had a chance to find out what was making Starbuck so quiet lately and if his father was right, why his friend might think he wasn't wanted anymore, but it was more than that.

The row with Sheba had focused his mind in a totally new direction.  He found himself thinking back over the yahrens, wondering what had changed so radically.  Starbuck was his best friend, the one he'd shared his life with from being cadets through to the present time.  He'd always been very fond of the exuberant blond since they'd first met; had even harbored dreams of loving his friend in a romantic, sexual, way; dreams he'd never been quite brave enough to carry through and had been put away as impossible as they'd grown older, and more practical, real life, events had overtaken them both. Still, the thought that Starbuck was unhappy tugged at his heartstrings in a familiar way.  
   
His thoughts were interrupted as Starbuck's voice reported that he'd reached what appeared to be the Bridge.   "It's roughly the same as the Rising Star," the lieutenant said.  "Haven't spotted any one, alive or dead."

Apollo frowned.  "No bodies at all?"

"No..." Starbuck sounded as puzzled as his captain.

Boomer voiced the question.  "Then where are they?"

"I suppose there could be some on the lower decks, or... I'll check if there are any life pods..."

Again they heard his boots on metal plating, then the sound of flicking switches - then:  "Looks like  most of the pods have been ejected."

 "Well, that's good news.  At least there were some survivors." Boomer said.

 "Yeah."  Starbuck replied.  "What'd you want me to do Captain?" he asked formally.

Get the Hades out of there  Apollo wanted to yell, the tension still riding him.

"Try and get any computer logs, discs, whatever records are plainly visible  Don't go wandering off, Lieutenant; that hulk is far too big for one man to search any way."

 "True.  Okay, will do.  Going back to the Bridge."

After an agony of waiting for the two pilots still in their Vipers, they heard their comrade's voice.  "Right.  Managed to pull their log discs and what looks like star maps. I'm returning to my Viper."

 "Thank the Lords..." Apollo heard Boomer say and realised the other lieutenant had been just as worried as he was.  

He shouldn't have been surprised; after all, Boomer had known Starbuck for the same number of yahrens, and was just as fond of the blond warrior as he was; but not exactly in the same way, he hoped.

After the tension of the past few centons, it was almost anti-climatic when Starbuck returned to his ship, and climbed aboard.  After a few more heart-stopping microns when the uneven floor of the landing bay shifted under his craft, he was airborne and edged his way out of the hulk to rejoin his relieved companions.

"Let's go home," Apollo said briskly, and led the way back to the hunk of metal they called home.

* * * *  
When they'd finished decontamination, with Starbuck getting extra attention from a curious and vaguely worried Doctor Salik, the three pilots attended the Debriefing in Adam's rooms.

The maps and charts, together with the computer discs were being examined, but the commander wanted a firsthand report from Starbuck.

"There isn't much I can tell you, sir," said Starbuck, feeling a trifle uncomfortable with all the attention he was receiving. He'd been expecting a bawling-out from Tigh, but no-one had said a word about his risky maneuver into the wrecked liner.

"It was like a phantom ship, the decks I walked through didn't have any bodies, no sign of laser burns on anything that I could see."

"What about the damage to the ship itself?  Did you form any opinion, Lieutenant?" asked Tigh leaning forward.

"The damage was extensive," he looked across at his two friends, sitting, as he was, in chairs around the desk.  "Not caused by any weapon I'm familiar with.  Asteroid hit would be my guess, sir, at least the bay I landed in. There was more damage in the other one - maybe a fuel tank exploded."

 "Oh yes, the fuel. Do you think any of it is salvageable?"

 "I would think so.  Be difficult but not impossible."  He paused. "In my opinion it...." then halted, flushing a little.

"Go on Lieutenant," encouraged Adama.  

"I was just going to say that I think it might be worth the risk, any extra fuel would be helpful to the whole fleet."  Starbuck murmured, without looking at anyone in the room.  For a moment he'd forgotten that he hadn't been asked his opinion on the risk factor, and in view of recent events, didn't feel as comfortable with the senior officers as he'd once done. 

"That decision will be taken by Command," said Tigh.

"Yes sir." Starbuck muttered, looking down at his hands, folded tightly in his lap.

Adama glanced at Tigh.  "Your opinion is noted, Lieutenant, and we'd like to thank you for bringing back this very valuable information."  The white-haired man smiled at the nervous warrior.  "At no small risk to yourself I understand."

"It wasn't much, sir..."

Adama smiled as his son snorted softly.  "Your piloting skills are exceptional, Starbuck, way beyond anything that we older warriors can understand, but even I know that what you did was extraordinary."

"Thank you, sir."  This time, the blush that reddened his fair-skinned features, was one of pleasure.

Tigh cleared his throat and the commander looked across at his second-in-command, then at Apollo and Boomer.  "Do either of you have anything to add?"

"No sir," was the joint chorus.

Adama nodded and turned back to Starbuck.

"I think that's all for now Starbuck.  Anything else you remember, please put in your written report."

"Yes sir."  Starbuck rose to his feet and was surprised when Adama took his hand, shaking it warmly.

"Well done, son."

The lieutenant nodded, scarlet with embarrassment.  

He gave a sigh of inward relief when he was out in the corridor, flanked by his friends.

"Well, you got out of that one okay," said Boomer with a grin.

"Yeah.  I thought Colonel Tigh was going to put us both on report for risking one of his vipers," Apollo said blowing out an exaggerated breath of relief.

"Me too,"  murmured Starbuck, basking in their shared warmth, before he remembered he wasn't supposed to be joining in with his friends' banter.  "Well, better get back to the Duty Office and start that report," he said, turning to walk away.

 "Hold on." Apollo and Boomer exchanged glances then both grabbed an arm of the retreating figure.   "I think you owe us both a drink for worrying the Hades out of us with that stunt."

"Oh yeah."  Starbuck hesitated then gave a mental shrug.  One drink wouldn't hurt, it wouldn't do to be too obvious about letting go of the friends of his youth.  "But shouldn't you be buying ME a drink or three?  After all, I did all the hard work."

Boomer looked at Apollo; they both nodded, then hustled the startled man to the nearest turbolift; then down corridors, ignoring the surprised stares of people they passed on their way until they reached the BOQ.  Without stopping they dragged the protesting lieutenant into the turbowash and pushed him under the jets of water. 

Holding him there until he was well and truly soaked, they eventually turned off the water and stood regarding the spluttering figure with arms folded and stern expressions on their faces.

 "Why you... you... miserable sons of daggits... what was THAT for?" shouted Starbuck, shaking his wet hair, deliberately spraying both his friends with cold droplets.

"Your head - seems to be a bit swollen - cold water will help bring down the swelling," said Apollo, mock concern in his voice. 

Starbuck stared, then his lips twitched into a reluctant grin, he couldn't help it.  This was so like their student days; not being soaked through, but the three of them together, laughing and glad they'd survived one more examination and/or inspection by the skin of their collective teeth.

"It works, I'm suitably chastened - and cold.," Starbuck shivered as he pushed the hair out of his eyes.  "Now you owe me a new jacket - you know how long it takes to get a new issue..." he grumbled, taking off the said garment and shaking the surplus water off the suede.

"I'm sure you'll think of something," said Boomer, stepping back out of the way.

Apollo grinned at Starbuck's wounded look.  "Come on, you still owe us a drink."

"I can't go to the OC like this, I'm soaked."

"We'll wait till you get changed," Apollo was unconcerned.

"Now I'm here, I'd just as soon get on with that report for the commander," Starbuck tried again to stick to his plan.

It was no use.  Boomer and Apollo just stared at him implacably.

"Okay, okay."

Still shivering slightly in his cold clothes, Starbuck moved to his locker, pulled out a dry tunic and pants and went back into the washroom.  Ignoring his companions, he started to strip, figuring they would leave and let him get dressed; instead they both leaned against the wall beside the door and watched him.

"Er... how about a bit of privacy?" 

"Nope.  I'm not letting you out of my sight for a micron," Apollo said calmly.

"It's nothing we've haven't seen before anyway," added Boomer, a smile in his dark eyes.  

A life in the military had knocked out any hint of shyness they might've had at one time - communal turbo-showers being the norm in any barracks.

Starbuck had pulled off his boots and shirt and was now standing clad only in his damp pants. "Yeah, that may be so, but a guy likes a bit of privacy when he can," Starbuck argued.

Apollo glanced at his wrist chronometer. "You're wasting valuable drinking time, Lieutenant.  Hurry up, or we'll help..."  He took a step forward, a devilish gleam in his green eyes.

"No, that's okay," yelped Starbuck. "I can manage."

Not really having a problem with his friends being there; they had, after all, shared enough showers after a hard game of Triad, Starbuck turned his back and slipped out of his wet pants, then stood under the hot water and gave himself a quick rinse.  Despite the situation the warmer water felt good, and he had to pay them back a little by making them wait while he got warm. 

Boomer exchanged a grin with Apollo, then stepped back into the main room, as he heard the sound of voices, as some of the other warriors started to enter.

Left alone with the naked figure of Starbuck, Apollo felt a sudden stirring in his loins.  As Boomer said, the sight - no make that - vision, in front of his widening eyes,  was nothing he hadn't seen before, but to his heightened senses he felt he was seeing that smooth, fair-skinned body for the first time.  Not since his cadet days when he'd first felt the allure of Starbuck's youthful sexuality, had he felt the heat burning so fiercely in his loins.  His blood surged through his veins, he could actually hear it throbbing in his chest, making every nerve tingle with anticipation.

His hands ached to touch that slim, muscular body, run his fingers over the taut curves of those perfect buttocks, kiss the line of his spine until he reached the dimpled area just above those high round globes... mesmerised, he stepped forward... then...

 Apollo shuddered as voices from the main room broke his train of lustful thought and he felt the heated blood transfer from his stirring manhood, to his face in acute embarrassment.

Focusing his gaze, he saw that Starbuck was still standing with his back to him, and breathed a sigh of relief that his voyeurism hadn't been noticed by the object of his desire. 

Hearing the other warriors congratulating Boomer and demanding full details of their mission, Apollo managed to compose his features into their normal expression and turned to leave the shower-room, calling. "Hurry up, Lieutenant, or you'll have the whole of Blue Squadron lining up to watch."

Starbuck sighed, opening his eyes; he'd been enjoying the few microns of peace, the warm water soothing his aching muscles - now it was back to reality - and his dilemma.

As he dressed in the clean, dry clothes, he went over the past events in his mind. 

Every time he thought he could pull back and start on his new plan for his life, something, or someone, seemed to get in the way.  

First it had been Apollo looking for him after the dinner party; that had surprised him, but he'd gone to his friend's room, thinking it was for the last time as they were. Then Sheba had spoiled that for him and he'd made another attempt to pull back.  The mission with Apollo and Boomer had put a stop to that try;  he'd fallen so easily back into their old routine, that he had to make another conscious effort to pull away.  

Even Adama, at the debriefing, had tugged on the invisible cords attaching him to the only family he knew: then his friends hadn't allowed him to just disappear as he'd intended. Dragging him into the shower and then not leaving him alone so that he could _forget_ to join them in the OC for the celebratory drink.

Trouble was, half of him still wanted to continue with whatever crumbs they threw his way when they remembered, or were forced to acknowledge his existence.  Starbuck's lips tightened.  He wouldn't - couldn't - allow that to happen.  He'd go along for the time being, but he was still going to implement his plan.

Roughly toweling his hair as dry as possible, Starbuck hunted for a comb and was handed one by Boomer.

"You still here?" he asked brightly.

"Yep.  Still waiting,  Better hurry up though, Starbuck. I think the captain is getting impatient."

Starbuck snorted. "Tough!"  He glanced over at Apollo, expecting to see the dark-haired man glaring at him, and was surprised to see Apollo talking to Jolly and Greenbean.

After a few microns struggle with his hair, he finally managed to tame it enough to slick back from his face. "Okay, I'm ready," he sighed.  

Apollo glanced round and nodded.  "About time."  He wouldn't meet Starbuck's eyes and the blond man frowned.  Now what had he done?

He didn't have much time to speculate as he was swept out of the barracks and was soon seated at a table in the Officers' Club, ordering drinks for the three of them.   

Starbuck kept glancing across the table at Apollo, who seemed to have sunk into a retrospective mood, and sighed inwardly.  Yet again, the moods of other people were influencing his own decisions.  Having decided to enjoy being with his friends, at least for the time being, it now looked as if one of them was regretting the earlier closeness, though what he'd done to change things, Starbuck had no idea.

Boomer also seemed puzzled by Apollo's behavior, if his glances across at his fellow lieutenant were any indication.  He raised an eyebrow, but Starbuck shrugged, he didn't have a clue what was wrong.

"Hey Galactica to Captain Apollo, come in please."   Boomer nudged his friend's elbow. He was sitting beside the Captain and across from Starbuck at a corner table.

"Hmm?" Apollo raised his eyes.  "What?" he asked.

"You're a  million metrons away, buddy.  Anything wrong?" Boomer said.

"No... no... nothing wrong that I know of," said Apollo, making an effort to subdue his riotous thoughts.

The more he tried to forget the vision of Starbuck's nude body in the shower, the more he fantasized about getting his hands on that supple form. What was wrong with him?  He seemed to be developing a case of terminal lust for his friend - yet somehow, wasn't that concerned about a cure.

The centares wore on and the Club started to fill up as more and more officers came off duty.  Apollo, who had tried to get back into the bantering mood of earlier had been partially successful, and the time had passed pleasantly enough, but he was glad when he could excuse himself to go and get Boxey from Athena. His sister had collected  the boy from his education class and looked after him while Apollo was on duty.   

On other occasions, Starbuck would have offered to accompany him to play with Boxey and tell him a story before bedtime.  This time, however, he didn't, and Apollo didn't know whether to be glad or sorry; he had a lot to think about. On the other hand, he was supposed to be trying to get Starbuck to open up about whatever was troubling him, and he couldn't do that if he left without a word.

"You want to come with me to pick up Boxey?" Apollo asked casually as he rose from the table. 

Starbuck looked a trifle bewildered.  Although Apollo had tried his best to join in the conversation, it was obvious to someone who knew him as well as Starbuck - and Boomer - that the captain's thoughts were elsewhere. 

"Well, er.. don't you want some time with him alone?" 

Starbuck's words were silenced when Apollo added. "It's quite a while since you've seen him yourself, and he's complaining that I don't tell as good a tale as  a certain lieutenant."

Boomer laughed and kicked his friend's foot under the table.  "He's got you there, Starbuck.  No one can quite embellish a tale like you."

Starbuck smiled, but still looked doubtful.  "Okay. I'd like to see Boxey, if you're sure I won't be in the way."

"I'm sure.  Come on."

The two men left the Club together, watched by a speculative Boomer.  Something was going on with both his friends, he only wished he knew what it was.  

As they walked to the turbo-lift, Apollo said softly. "You're never in the way in my quarters, Starbuck.  I hope you know you will always be welcome."

Cautious blue eyes surveyed him for a long moment, then the fair head nodded. "Thank you, that's good to know.  I wasn't sure..."  He broke off and gave a slight shrug.

"Well, be sure.  I'd rather have you visit than a dozen Sheba's." Apollo was vehement.

"Don't," Starbuck gave a theatrical shudder.  "The very thought of more than one person like Sheba is enough to put a man off his ambrosa. One is more than enough."

Apollo laughed and clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder and chuckling together they moved into the lift.

* * * *

During the next few hours, Starbuck enjoyed himself tremendously.  It was like some of the best old times. He played games with Boxey, listening intently to everything that had happened in school over the past sectons, then put him to bed while Apollo made his son his nightly warm drink.  Then sitting on the side of the bed, he told the wide-eyed boy tall tales of improbable heroes until even Boxey was too tired to stay awake any longer.

Smiling, Starbuck tousled the boy's brown hair and whispered "Sleep well."

 "'Night Starbuck... love you," came the drowsy response.

Starbuck swallowed hard.  He couldn't say the words, even to Boxey, but he thought them just the same: _love you too, kid._

"He's missed you," came a quiet voice from the bedroom door.

 "Missed him too," said Starbuck truthfully.  Then realising he'd said the words aloud, got up from the bedside and looked across at Apollo. 

"He's not the only one," said Apollo slowly, hoping he wasn't going to make things worse between them; but he had to say it.  He wanted to say more, but he hadn't thought everything through in his own mind first.

Starbuck stared at him, a puzzled expression in his eyes, then slowly, a light gleamed in the ocean blue depths. Now he knew what had been hovering on the edge of his conscious mind; his friend, his captain, was looking at him with love in his eyes.  That emerald green gaze was filled with a helpless longing to love and be loved.

Starbuck felt a bubble of hope spring from the depths of his lonely soul.  Could this be what he had been looking for?  Instead of withdrawing from everyone he held dear, maybe he should be running towards them. He had loved Apollo for many yahrens,  but circumstances had never been right enough for him to say anything.  Adama's son had always been cool and remote, but he could be passionate. Starbuck had seen him defend the weaker members of society many times, he'd helped him win many of those battles; but he couldn't remember seeing that passion turned towards himself...  

Except....

The yahrens fell away and he remembered a time he had been injured in a crash on Caprica just after they'd graduated from the Academy. The shuttle he'd been travelling in to meet Apollo and his family for his usual furlon, had developed engine trouble just as they were landing and the crash had been messy and quite spectacular.  Luckily it hadn't caught fire, but Starbuck, with the other ten passengers had been trapped in the shattered hull.  He'd  been pinned down in the wreck unable to move a muscle and barely able to breathe for the weight of a panel pressing on his chest; his legs trapped under the broken seats.

He remembered hearing voices, one in particular, frantically shouting his name...

He'd tried to answer, but the weak whisper wouldn't have been heard outside; yet incredibly Apollo had heard him.  The sight of his friend's tall figure clambering over the bits of strewn metal had seemed like a vision from the heaven Starbuck didn't really believe existed.

After the rescuers had cut their way into the interior and lifted the wrecked panel off his chest, Apollo had been beside him, holding his hand as he brushed the dust out of his hair, which was sticky with the blood that dripped from the wound on the side of his head.

His dark-haired friend had sat there, clasping his hand, talking soothingly to him while the medics had made a preliminary scan and decided that, as his spine was intact he could, with care, be moved.

Starbuck had kept his eyes on his friend, being comforted just by his presence and the concern which shone from Apollo's green eyes, until his comrade had been made to move so they could lift their patient out onto the landing ground.

He'd almost fainted with pain, when the medics, having to climb over the debris, had let the stretcher slip, almost tumbling him to the ground, and Apollo had lashed out verbally, cursing them for being stupid, clumsy, borays and if they couldn't be more careful - he'd carry his friend himself.

He remembered the agony of broken bones grinding together, too shocked to scream, at the intensity of the pain lancing through him; he'd focused on Apollo's face as his comrade had jumped again to his side, carefully sliding his arms under Starbuck to steady him; half cradling the injured man's bloodstained head against his chest.  Starbuck thought he might just be able to rest there for the remainder of his life.

As it turned out it was for mere centons only as the medics got their act together and managed to lift him out of the wreck and transport him to the nearest Life Centre, without doing any more damage. All the time Apollo had been there, his voice pleading with Starbuck to stay with him, not to let go.

In the Life Centre, slipping in and out of consciousness, he'd heard that voice, could remember the words: "Please don't die, Starbuck.  I can't live without you... I love you.  Don't leave me... I love you."

He'd felt so content, even with the concussion, broken ribs, left leg and wrist - he still wouldn't have traded places with anyone in the whole universe at that moment.

When he'd regained consciousness after the operations to fuse the fractured bones, Apollo had been there beside him, apparently had not left his side.  Unfortunately, he had not repeated the words and Starbuck had come to think he must've dreamt them - something he'd wanted Apollo to say. So like many other things in his young life, he'd swallowed his disappointment and stayed friends with the man he loved.

Now, he was wondering whether he had heard correctly.   Apollo had certainly been very attentive whilst he was recuperating from his injuries; had sat beside him while the investigators had questioned him about the crash. 

The flashback to memories had taken only milli-centons and Starbuck cleared his throat at Apollo's comment. " _He's  not the only one..."_

"Really?" he asked, his voice husky.

Apollo nodded, then turned back into the outer room.  He was trembling with the need to tell Starbuck his feelings and terrified that he might drive the other man away.  Perhaps he should keep a lid on his emotions until he found out what was wrong with the lieutenant.

As Starbuck quietly closed Boxey's bedroom door, Apollo indicated the table on which there where two glasses of ambrosa.

Starbuck sat down in his usual place and picked up a glass, raising it in a toast, his expression expectant and open for the first time in what seemed sectares.

"Are we celebrating?" he smiled.

Apollo panicked and cleared his throat.  "Yes, of course. Anything in particular?" he joked.

Starbuck kept his glance level, but there was a sinking feeling deep inside of him.

"From the way you were looking at me just then - thought it might be something personal."  He raised a dark blond eyebrow.

Apollo sighed and put down his glass.  "I'm making a real mess of this Starbuck."  He paused.  "there are many things I want to tell you, but I don't know where to start..."

"Or from when?" asked Starbuck, with a strange feeling of déjá vu.

Apollo cast a searching look at him.  "What d'you mean?"

Gathering his courage Starbuck said.  "I remember that night in the Life Centre on Caprica after that crash."  He paused, nodding as Apollo shuddered.  "You remember too."

"That was one of the worst nights of my life," said Apollo softly.  "I thought you weren't going to survive."

"Is that why you said - what you did?  Just to keep me happy for a while?"  Starbuck's voice was calm, but inside he was already saying goodbye to a dream.

"Oh no."  Apollo replied quickly.  "I meant every word."  He paused.  "I didn't think you'd heard me.  You didn't say anything." 

"I was barely conscious and couldn't speak," said Starbuck heatedly. "What did you expect?"  He paused, then added.  "When you didn't repeat those words, or refer to them again, I thought I'd dreamt the whole thing."  He shook his head.   "All those yahrens wasted."

"Wasted?"  Apollo sighed. "Hope not all of them.  We've been good friends, haven't we?"

"Yes, but I wanted to be more than friends and..."   He suddenly looked up from staring at the liquid in his glass.  "You're still not sure, are you?  You won't ever say those words so that I can actually hear them..."

"Starbuck... please.  I don't know... but I don't want to lose you..."  Apollo pleaded.

"Then don't!" Starbuck rose to his feet, placing the glass deliberately on the table.  

He waited, his heart hammering in his chest, then slowly the eager light faded from his eyes and his shoulders slumped.  

Apollo suddenly registered Starbuck's words _I wanted to be more than friends..._

Realised that Starbuck hadn't run from him, they were actually discussing the secret he'd kept hidden inside him; more than discussing, Starbuck was actually saying he would've wanted a more intimate relationship.

Apollo stood there, hands clenched into fists of indecision, one half of his mind screaming at him to take that one step forward and take his longtime friend into his arms, and tell him aloud that he loved - and wanted him with all his heart.  The other, practical side told him to slow down, this was too important  a decision to ruin with a hasty act.

"I was right," murmured Starbuck half to himself.  "I did make the right decision last night."

"Decision?" asked Apollo.

"Nothing, not important."  Starbuck straightened his shoulders and moved to the door.  "Bye Apollo..."

"Wait... please..."

The fair head shook a negative. "You'll never take that final step Apollo... too many yahrens in between.  We're not cadets any longer, and if you can't say the words tonight, you'll never be able to say them."

He strode to the door, then hesitated.  "I'll be making a formal request for a transfer to another squadron."

"NO!"  Apollo shouted, lunging forward to grasp his arms.  "No!" he repeated. "I can't do that..."

Starbuck shrugged.  "Then I'll ask Tigh."

"No!" Apollo shook him.  "I mean it.  I won't let you make the mistake of running away from me, from Boxey,  from everyone who loves you, for yourself." He tightened his grip on the firm muscles. "I know you too well, Starbuck.  I've seen it in the past, you draw away from people who've hurt you, or have abused your friendship, but this is different, I won't let you leave." 

"You can't actually stop me," said Starbuck, trying to free his arms.

"Not even if I tell you that I... I love you.  Have loved you since we went on our first furlon together and you fell off the boat..."  Apollo's smile was tremulous, his eyes misty with tears.

Starbuck stared at him, frozen to the spot with surprise.

Then slowly, a smile spread across his face, a smile so full of the remembered sunshine on that Caprican day, that Apollo felt like singing.

"I didn't fall, I was pushed," reminded Starbuck, stepping into the open arms waiting for him.

The kiss was like everything they'd ever wanted and way beyond what they expected.  Both pairs of lips were trembling with emotion, eager yet shy, as they explored this new territory opening up before them.  

Apollo's arms tightened round his companion's slim waist, crushing Starbuck to him, desperate for more and afraid, even now, that Starbuck would escape, and this time he'd never find him.

Then Starbuck's lips parted, opening under the persistent pressure of Apollo's tongue, and the captain swallowed a groan of excitement as he was allowed entrance to the hot sweetness and unique flavour of his wingmate's mouth for the first time.

Starbuck's arms were around his neck, one hand stroking the longer hair at the back of the captain's dark head as he surrendered willingly to the passionate entry of his captain's tongue.

**His** captain - yes indeed.  Apollo was truly his.  

What had he been thinking?  To try and withdraw from Apollo's life? What a mistake that would've been if he'd been allowed to carry through his great  **plan** for his own future.

He didn't know what that future held and at the moment he didn't care.  All he was aware of was being held in an increasingly powerful embrace that threatened to deprive his body of the support of his legs and himself of his senses.

The need to breathe forced them apart and one of Apollo's hands moved up into that glorious golden mane he'd been aching to touch for centares. Grasping a handful of the silken mass he pulled Starbuck's head back a little in order to see into his eyes.

He'd likened them to a sunlit ocean, but found himself catching his breath at the sheer beauty of their sparkling depths.  Depths he could drown in if he wasn't careful - open and without guile of any sort, they showed the extent of Starbuck's vulnerability.  Apollo felt a sudden quiver of fear inside him.  What would happen to his friend if he couldn't live up to that love and devotion so openly expressed.  He would hate to see the light from those eyes go out through anything stupid he might do.

Then as Starbuck smiled, and ran a finger along his lower lip, Apollo consigned his doubts to the outer regions of space where they belonged.  The solution was simple; he wouldn't do anything stupid; would never risk losing Starbuck's love and respect.  

He smiled, biting at the stroking finger, then sucked it lovingly into his mouth, as Starbuck pretended to wince. Without thinking, his other hand slipped down to cup one of those firm buttocks he'd lusted after in the shower and squeezed gently, pulling the other man even closer so that their groins were pressed against each other.

Starbuck tensed, his fingers clenching on Apollo's shoulder, then after one searching look into his captain's green eyes, bright with desire, but tempered with love, he relaxed.  His arms went round Apollo's back, molding himself to the other man's body, feeling the arousal plainly in the crotch pressed to his own, and kissed his lover on the lips. 

A kiss unlike any that Apollo had ever received. An open-mouthed, raunchy kiss that had his blood on fire within microns. As Starbuck lifted one leg and wrapped it around his thigh, opening himself to whatever Apollo wanted to do, the captain knew without a shadow of doubt, that this relationship - no, this **love** \- whatever befell them in the future - would never **ever** be dull.  
  
The End   
  


Starface (c)

 


End file.
